But not without giving a shout out to Michael Somerville – awesome comedian who wrote First Date Tips « What Me(n) Think on his blog. I not only laughed when I was reading it, I also learned a lot and now feel the need to give this woman’s perspective.
The first step in having a successful first date is to ask us out on a date. I know, I am either preaching to the choir or beating a dead horse. But it’s something so simple that will mean a lot to us later on.
How much women prepare for a date may or may not indicate how into you we are. Half the time we are dressing for other women just to keep up with Miss Jones. Sometimes we are making an effort specifically for you. And sometimes you get a girl like my friend who is so damn comfortable in her own skin that she just doesn’t care and WYSIWYG even if it’s an old college t shirt, ripped jeans and crocs.* Girlfriend has more men after her and I have never heard any of them complain about her not shaving.
If we care about your horoscope then it does indicate where the date or relationship might lead – crazy town. Ditto for belief in fortune cookies, unless it has the winning lotto numbers.
Don’t Google us before the date, that’s creepy. Even if you remember what we’ve told you versus our stint as professional football cheerleader, we can tell you’ve done it and there’s something you’re dying to ask about. It’s the same instinct we use once we have kids to know when they are up to no good.
We don’t care if we’re taller than you are as long as you aren’t running around with a Napoleon complex. It’s not about height, it’s about being made to feel like a woman. And if you’re acting like a short asshole (or a tall asshole) we’re going to assume you’re trying to make up for other physical limitations and will also care about other “issues”.
Although we love it when a man has a plan – if the plan is to walk 40 blocks and you see that we’re in heels please change the plan.
If you mention a body part more than once we might compliment you on it. But we’re rolling our eyes on the inside and we will bring it up to our friends later on when we dissect the date.
If you don’t want us to do all the talking respond with more than a yes or no to our questions. If you’re talking too much you’ll never know. Women invented the zone out – we’re thinking about that gorgeous handbag we saw at Saks or the hot guy two bar stools over and we can still seem to be completely engaged with what you’re saying. We’re just not dumb enough to make it obvious.
If we are extrapolating on our issues, especially of the gastro kind, see my answer on believing in astrology or we are desperately trying to not have you ask for a second date.
Saying thank you for the date is just polite and should happen at the end of the evening whether we want a second date or not. This person took the time (and possibly money) to see if there was any chemistry. If we initiate a thank you text then you will definitely get a yes for a second date.
*Sometimes this is what we wear to impress.
So I’m back online on several dating sites – hey gotta play the odds – and am so confused as to what goes through the minds of men.
Okay, so of course we all look at the photos first. But read the profile to at least make sure there is some compatibility. I have had one guy ping me about three different dates I’ve posted and I have never responded. Is it because I’m am too picky, or is it because I clearly state in my profile that I want kids and he clearly says that kids aren’t for him?
If you do read the profile, believe what we have to say. I don’t reach out to guys who say they want an outdoorsy girl because I won’t deliver. I am a traveler and would love to live overseas. First message I got - ”How would you feel about meeting someone who would not want to live overseas or travel as much as they can?”. No thank you.
Don’t be creepy. I have the guy that responded to a date I posted and he seemed normal so I wrote back with a question that he could respond to. Nothing. Until a few days later when he send an “intrigued” message to another date I posted, and a a third time a few days later to another date. Dude, just respond to my e mail.
Although he is not as bad as the guy who was “intrigued” by a date I posted and then e mailed me seconds later with his phone number asking to call if I wanted to get together that night (it was Saturday and I am a bit of a rules girl). Same guy e mailed again the next day and then was “intrigued” by another date on Monday. I can only imagine how possessive/needy/crazy these guys are once you actually start dating.
Once you’ve read my profile and sent me a message and I have responded because I have determined you aren’t creepy, ask me out. I’m not looking for a pen pal. If I have indicated interest by responding and telling you that I’d be interested getting together, I’m not going to be happy if I have to ask you out. Or if I’m the one that reached out and you’re not interested, don’t e mail me back. I’m a big girl, you won’t hurt my feelings.