So I’m back online on several dating sites – hey gotta play the odds – and am so confused as to what goes through the minds of men.
Okay, so of course we all look at the photos first. But read the profile to at least make sure there is some compatibility. I have had one guy ping me about three different dates I’ve posted and I have never responded. Is it because I’m am too picky, or is it because I clearly state in my profile that I want kids and he clearly says that kids aren’t for him?
If you do read the profile, believe what we have to say. I don’t reach out to guys who say they want an outdoorsy girl because I won’t deliver. I am a traveler and would love to live overseas. First message I got - ”How would you feel about meeting someone who would not want to live overseas or travel as much as they can?”. No thank you.
Don’t be creepy. I have the guy that responded to a date I posted and he seemed normal so I wrote back with a question that he could respond to. Nothing. Until a few days later when he send an “intrigued” message to another date I posted, and a a third time a few days later to another date. Dude, just respond to my e mail.
Although he is not as bad as the guy who was “intrigued” by a date I posted and then e mailed me seconds later with his phone number asking to call if I wanted to get together that night (it was Saturday and I am a bit of a rules girl). Same guy e mailed again the next day and then was “intrigued” by another date on Monday. I can only imagine how possessive/needy/crazy these guys are once you actually start dating.
Once you’ve read my profile and sent me a message and I have responded because I have determined you aren’t creepy, ask me out. I’m not looking for a pen pal. If I have indicated interest by responding and telling you that I’d be interested getting together, I’m not going to be happy if I have to ask you out. Or if I’m the one that reached out and you’re not interested, don’t e mail me back. I’m a big girl, you won’t hurt my feelings.
Okay, so one of my biggest pet peeves about online dating is that it allows men to never ask you out almost to the point where you will actually ask them out. Call me old fashioned and sexist, but I actually think that men and women have different roles in courtship and the man’s first role is to ask the woman out*.
A lot of websites now have spaces for both sexes to say what types of dates they would want to go out on. On actually uses the language “A cool date I would like to take you on” – for both men and women. Now, as a modern(ish) woman I am happy to give a guy a little help and share some of my favorite things to do. But I don’t want to take a guy out on a date. I want to be the one being taken out on a date.
So boys take your balls out and act like men, at least for the 92 seconds it takes to ask us out for a drink.
*My reasoning is twofold. 1) Men like pursuing and women like being pursued, why fuck with biology. 2) If I have to convince a guy to go out with me on a date what else am I going to have to convince him of in the future – that he loves me, that we should get married, that we should have kids. Not a situation that’s going to end well.